A Word About Frat Boys, Bros and Their Pussy Beer

One of my favorite guilty pleasures in the world is seeing a pack of dim-witted "dudes" fretting over which 24 pack of cans to consume en masse...MGD or Bud?

Dudes...what the fuck is up with the bromance for pussy beer?

Here's what I think could be going on:

1.  They don't have a brain to share between them.

2.  Half of the fun of drinking a low-quality lager is crushing the can on your forehead (and perhaps also to save space in the recycling bin).

3.  They have to save their complex taste buds for eating "ma chick out."

4.  Nobody told them that MGD and Bud taste like watered down piss, only with less complex flavor notes.

I would like to share with these mentally challenged, and yes-somewhat hot boneheads, that picking a higher quality craft beer makes more sense on SO many levels.

The first being that your chick will be impressed that you can read, after she sees you buy a six-pack of Abbaye De Floreffe.  The second being that craft beers tend to have a higher alcohol content, which means you don't have to drink as much to get "SO fucked," which means that much more time on your hands to wonder which Olsen would look better in a thong...Mary-Kate, no WAIT...Ashley!  The third being that you will spend a lot less time pissing away all the low-quality ingredients that went into making your 13 cans of MGD, since the 4 Maudites you consumed still haven't sent you to the bathroom.   

Lastly, just grow the fuck up already.  You might just squeak through business school and get that lame consulting job you've been dreaming of since '05 (the one where you can wear just underwear during conference calls), so maybe you should learn to cultivate a taste in finer things.

Craft beer is an excellent place to start, young man!  It's made by passionate folks who are taking every care to produce a product that is an fine source of pleasure in our exceedingly stressful lives.  It's made by a pair of brothers in DuPage County, a retired nurse in Milwaukee, and yes-a few monks in Belgium (one of them small states over there by France).

I tastes great with duck confit, Mutter Paneer, and even Chicken Wings.

Craft beer also won't make you look like a retard if you're wearing a Hugo Boss suit and heading over to a neighborhood fete.

FInally, you might attract a higher class of Trixie to your jock, after she sees you pay $30 for a lovely bottle of Nora in line at Binny's (while your Bebe-infested big-curl addicted train-wreck-of-a-current-girlfriend is waiting in your Bronco to return with her MGD 64). 

Think about it, dudes.

Or not.  It'll still crack me up to see you shitheads carrying cases of pussy beer to consume.

God luv ya...